I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
