sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
