Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
