I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
