How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
