Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?