I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots