You're my little dorito
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?