He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Bring me that man meat
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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