Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize