i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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