I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
