so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
