I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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