Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
