I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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