omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Pants are for mortals
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize