Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
