do herpes really smell.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
