Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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