According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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