TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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