literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
