He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
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I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
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My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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