So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toyâ€
Randomize
