I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
