the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
