He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
