guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
