We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
