Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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