i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
