the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
