It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
