# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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