and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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