at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
