i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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