A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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