i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
