it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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