I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
