So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
