my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize