my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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