He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
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I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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