I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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