Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it because I queefed?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
