how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
