if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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