Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
