it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
