turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
