I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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