I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
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ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
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