Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
