Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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