i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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